And then, there you were. This tiny, beautiful, perfect little boy swaddled in my arms and peering up at me with your big dark eyes; and I just knew you were meant for me. I was in awe, staring at you and the only words I could manage were how perfect you were. I had never in my life experienced the overwhelming love that I felt the moment I laid eyes on you. I try and put it into words and I am left with this blinking cursor, and an empty page. I really don't know if there are enough words in the english language that could describe a mothers love for her child.
I remember kissing every inch of your tiny body; from the tip of your toes to the top of your head. I couldn't get enough of your smell, and even as I write this I can remember that smell as if it was but a moment ago. You barely made any noise, and were smiling from the first day. I remember another couple who had a baby in the next room that never would stop crying, and I sat there with my sweet Asher and waited for the ball to drop; waited for you to start crying and you never did. Just the most even-tempered, smiley baby boy. That first night, I stayed up the whole time and watched you as you slept. I had you all to myself, and as I watched you dream, coo, and cry out for me all I could think about was how beautiful you were. I couldn't believe this perfect creature was mine to raise, mine to love, mine to teach. Does every new mommy feel this way? Probably. But I am the only new mommy that was your mommy, and so this moment was ours.
My Asher, you have changed our lives forever, and I am afraid that I can never give you more than what you have already given me. You have taught me how to truly love with all of my heart, to be curious, to laugh, to care for something more than myself, to hug tighter, to be silly, that disney movies really are the best, that bath time is party time, that tiny handprints on mirrors and crayon on the wall means we are making memories, not messes. You have shown me that its ok to cry, and sometimes its the only thing you can do.